OVER YOU

I loved you the best I could,I loved you the best I knew how but my best wasn't good enough. It was bliss at the beginning,like the first few years of marriage of a couple deeply in love. Everyone knew I loved you, it was in my eyes. Somethings just don't need to be told.You made me happy.I thought of you every night, I dreamed about you all day, I always wanted to be with you. You were not the best, yes, but you were my best. The way you used to look at me... I still can't help smiling. I felt safe with you. You held me close, close and tight. I felt safe in your arms.   I heard so many things,I heard so many terrible things about you. Everyone warned me about you. They said you were not what I thought you were but I loved you and love conquers all, right? I thought I knew you and then I heard about the other girls... oh! I should have listened. The truth is hard, the truth is awkward and often, it hurts… you changed,so quick, so fast,so sudden that it knocked me off balance. The rumours were true...the other girls were real.... you never really loved me. you walked out on what I thought we had. you walked out on the good times we had,the laughter we shared,the nights you held me close to your heart. you walked out on a girl that truly loved you. you walked out...and you broke my heart but I held on. I prayed that it'd be just a phase. I wished it was a dream. I held on so tight but I could only hang on for so long... after a while, it's not just worth it. I knew it was over for real.I remember those nights not the nights i spent with you. I remember the cold nights,the nights I spent alone,the nights I cried myself to sleep, the nights I sent endless messages to your phone, the nights I got no reply to my messages, the nights I prayed you'd call. I remember those nights.... I hate you for being the first to break my heart. I hate you for making me fall in love with you! I mourned us. I mourned our dead relationship but I still couldn't let go. I just couldn't imagine life without you. I couldn't imagine you with someone else. I walked around for months thinking about you. I walked around wondering what was on your mind. I could give the world for your thoughts. I saw the girls but I also saw the way you looked at me. you read my mind. you knew I still cared and you took advantage of it...   It took me long enough to realise that you cared less about my emotions. That you are insensitive. Now I've told myself the truth because I owe myself at least that much. You're not worth having me. You don't deserve someone like me. Because I'm too good for you,because i'm different. I've made mistakes in life but i don't blame you for any of them. In life,one thing is certain, no matter how much love you give you're going to get hurt. Because you're going to make mistakes. I'm done making mistakes. I'm done wishing you'd come back. I'm done feeling bad and I'm done loving you.